A Final Note

This blog started out as a little tiny idea with little tiny aspirations. It was meant to be a way to keep our families up to date on where we were and what we were doing. We were glad when we realized that if we really kept up with it the whole trip, then we'd have a fantastic record of everything we had done -- something we could show our kids one day -- complete with pictures and all the fresh emotions, thoughts, revelations.

It wound up being kind of a bigger thing than we thought it would be.

Almost a hundred people visited and read about our adventures everyday. When I would post a new one, and put a link on Facebook, that number rose and once it almost doubled.

The folks reading this blog are friends from high school we haven't seen in 10 years, college friends who we rarely get a chance to catch up with, and -- believe it or not -- a whole bunch of folks we don't even know. Some of you passed our link around to everyone on your email list, friends from work, and your family members -- thank you. Thanks pretty damn cool.

Some of you read this blog at work when you were bored (Jenny Giles). Some of you sat and read the whole thing in a couple of sittings (Mel). Some of you only read the short ones (Braden Metcalf).

Many of you commented on the blog or on facebook, or called us to tell us how much you loved reading our adventures.

Can you imagine how loved we felt? How insanely cool we felt?

No really, we really feel like we are the cool, popular kids. We kind of like it.

I wrote blog posts from hotel rooms, friends' sofas, and campsites. (I tried to write on Mike's iPhone, but that was a fail.) I wrote them at 7:00 am and 2:00 am. Sometimes I wrote 3 and 4 at a time to catch up.

And now I kind of miss it.

And a few dozen of you, faithful readers, have told me I should keep writing.

So I might do it. I haven't worked it all out yet, but another blog is likely to be forthcoming.

Until then, this is Beth and Mike Across America, saying "thanks" and signing off...

FAQs, Statistics and Superlatives

Since we've been back, we've been asked some interesting questions about our trip, and since we are more than willing to turn any topic of conversation back to how much fun we had on the trip, we are more than happy to oblige. However, since some of you do not live close by and will not have the opportunity to listen to us ramble on excitedly about the minutae of our journey, we thought we'd provide you with some (what we belive to be) fascinating factoids:

Longest Distance Traveled In One Day:
937 miles. It took us 16 hours and we drove from the coast of CA to Sandy, UT.

Total Number of States Visited (or at least Driven Through):
22
VA, NC, SC, GA, AL, MS, LA, TX, NM, CO, UT, AZ, NM, CA, WY, SD, MN, Iowa (don't remember abbreviation), MO, NE, TN, AR

Number of Times My Parents Considered Enrolling Us in AA:
12

Number of National or State Parks Visited:
11 -- all of them mind-shatteringly beautiful.

Number of Breweries/Brewpubs Visited:
10

Final Burger Count: (for those of you who have money on this)
13

Best Part of the Trip:
White Rim Trail in Moab, UT

Prettiest State:
Colorado

Best Burger Mike Ate on the Trip:
Blue Cheese Burger from Mountain Sun Brewery in Boulder, CO

Best Explosion:
Watermelon. Roseville, CA

Best Morning Ever:
Sedona, AZ Bed and Breakfast provided killer bed and delicious breakfast. Totally lived up to the title.

Best Mullet:
At a grocery store in Somewhere Nebraska. We honestly had no idea where we were then, and still do not today. I apologize for not having a picture, but this was just a bathroom break, not a stop, so the camera was not on me, and you all know how I am about the phone...

Best Bar:
Sultana. Williams, AZ.

Clearest Night Sky:
Needles Outpost. Moab, UT.

Number of Times I Had to Hit the "Next" Button on Mike's iPod Because Some Scary Metal Song Came On:
1,237,459

Number of Times Mike Mistook a Piece of Tire in the Road for an Armadillo:
7

Number of Actual Armadillos Seen:
0

Number of Miles Traveled Total:
10,080

Number of Post-Lunch Naps Mike Took While Beth Drove Through the Desert:
11

Number of Fights Mike and Beth Had:
0. Really.

Number of Times We Left Stuff in Someone's Bathroom and Had To Re-Purchase It:
4. All Mike's fault.

Best Roadside Attraction:
Corn Palace, SD.

Number of Times Beth Checked the Blog to See if We Had New Followers:
50+. Then I put the hit counter/"Coolness Meter" on there and I got even worse.

Best Place in the USA:
Richmond, VA. Home.

Home and Hungover

Yes, faithful readers, I am going to finish the blog.



When last you read of our adventures, we were in Memphis, sweating and paying homage to Elvis.



From Memphis we went to Nashville.



I'm sorry to report that nothing exciting happened in Nashville. But that's actually the way we wanted it.



It was our last alone on the trip, so we got a sweet hotel, ate a delicious meal and hung out at a nearby dive bar. We ordered room service the next morning and headed out.



I know what you're thinking: Total letdown.



Well, before you get your panties in a twist, let me assure you that we did not lay up in Blacksburg. Oh no, my friends -- we went out with a bang. Or maybe more like a thump. Against a sidewalk. At least Mike did.




We ended the trip with a night in Blacksburg in great part because Mike has dear friends there, JR and Mel, who he knew from college. JR is his Delta Chi little brother and Mel is his girlfriend. And they were ready for us.

Meet JR and Mel:

Actually, some of you probably have met Mel and JR.


Actually, two of you are Mel and JR, and if you are, we would like to thank you for putting us up and getting crazy with us. And for all the stuff that's staying in the vault and not going into this blog -- well, thanks again.




Anyway, it was good that Mel and JR were ready for us because we were on a mission. Not for Rushmore Rubble or to see the great sights of Blacksburg, but to get pretty tanked and end this trip with a rockin good time.



We opened at Macado's (to JR's chagrin), because I was having a hankering for a Johnny Dee (if you went to Radford or Tech, you understand) and then moved to the Cellar.



Then the drinks started flowing.




So did The Cellar's plumbing.


No really. The bathroom downstairs was under at least 4 inches of water. Believe it or not, this did not phase us. It also did not phase some drunk who wandered into the men's room -- despite, like, five signs saying not to -- left the door open and peed while standing in four inches of (questionably clean) water.



I am proud to report that this drunk was not one of our party.



However, our behavior later may lead you to believe I'm lying.


Because we drank beer. We drank shots. We drank Irish Car Bombs. We drank even when the bartender told us that the kitchen was now flooded and we all had to leave.




Seriously, she came by to tell us and we asked for more drinks. Like the woman had just told us that they were only out of Bud Lite.




She kicked us out.





So we went to another bar. This bar will now be named "Beth Was So Drunk She Can No Longer Remember the Name of the Third Bar."




For brevity's sake, we'll just call it BWSDSCNLRTNOTTB.





At BWSDSCNLRTNOTTB we played darts. I would call it a small miracle that no one was maimed by one of our darts.




I would call it a large miracle that Mike actually played darts pretty well. Because this was Mike at this point:

We closed down BWSDSCNLRTNOTTB.

We passed out a Mel and JR's. Mel and JR actually passed out on our air mattress. Because Mike immediately passed out on JR's bed and remaind comatose until the next morning.

It was a rough morning. This rough morning led to a rough afternoon. Thank god there were Bojangles Chicken Biscuits in our future.

Yes, we started with Bojangles and ended with Bojangles. We came full circle. How poetic.

We got home in the afternoon. I cried. I'm serious. You have no idea how amazing it feels to be home after the best adventure of your life.

Even if you do feel like someone has run you over with an eighteen-wheeler.

Huge thank you's to Sharon and Katey and Sara Eastman for bringing us food, because a homecooked meal never tasted so good. You really made us feel missed and welcome.

Huge thanks also to Jenny and Giles for having everyone over at their house that night so we could see all our friends and to Ross for pulling it all together when she realized I was such a hot mess that there was no way I could do it myself.

And thanks to all of you, who read and commented and gave us a little piece of home just when we needed it.

It was the greatest adventure of our lives, but we are so glad to be back with all of you.

I Love My Wife

Hello friends,

I'm writing this post because it seems only fitting that after 42 posts about our travels, all written by Beth, that I should thank her with a post of my own.

Beth was the greatest race car passenger that I could ever have hoped for. She took turns driving, iPhoned us places to eat, loaded addresses into the TomTom before I could throw it out the window, and told you all the story of our trip so it felt like everyone was with us.

I helped a little in the beginning, coming up with one liners and funny pics for the blog, but she was the master storyteller that had you checking for updates in the mornings, and then calling my Mom when no update had been made(Carol Hangey). She did an awesome job with this thing, and for that I am thankful. What started as a little part of our trip, turned into something bigger than we both could've imagined. People we didn't even know were reading up on how we were doing, because it was FUNNY.

Did you guys know Beth was this funny? I only new she was a little funny, not real funny. She had ME cracking up about things we had already done, jokes that had already been laughed at, and on the edge of my seat talking about ME driving in Utah. I was there. I shouldn't have been so amazed. But I was.

Throughout this entire trip, we never once screamed at each other. We didn't really even fight. Oh, she did scream at me once, but it was "RAVINE!!!" as the truck was sliding towards said ravine.

She is an excellent camper. After only three days into the camping part of the trip, she could break down camp while I was in the shower, and have it all packed in the truck and ready to go. She also could set up camp while I was building the fire. She didn't complain about bugs, or being dirty, or being hot or cold. She enjoyed every minute of it.

At least I think she did, she never told me otherwise.

She's proud of her camping skillzzzuh. I'm proud of her too.

She was also ready to party the entire trip. I took more naps than she did. But she would be right by my side at the bar for as long as we could stand. At least she could stand, there were some nights where I couldn't stand. Not well, anyways.

Beth, we had the adventure of our lives, and I'm so glad I got to share it with you. I'm glad I get to share the rest of our adventures with you too, I just need to build up some more vacation time first.

Love you hun.

P.S.- I totally see what you mean about the spacing thing after inserting pics. It is effing obnoxious. What a pain in the ass. Oh well, at least the blog is free.

Elvis is Awesome.

After BBQ, there were naps.


Naps are cool. We don't get to do many of them, though, because napping is time you could spend seeing stuff in a place you've never been.




But after lots of BBQ, there must be naps.



And then we felt like we could go out and explore Memphis a little bit. Mike led us to the Flying Saucer, a bar right in the center of Memphis not far from Beale St.



They have plates everywhere -- Mom Morris, they covered the cieling in Willow plates. Really. (I know no one else knows what the hell I'm talking about, but Mom Morris used to collect them).




They also have a thing like a Mug Club, only instead you enroll and you get a tee shirt. Then you have to drink 200 beers to get your name on a saucer (read: plate). We met Dan who is about 137 beers into round one and nice as hell.

He bought us pint glasses when he found out we were on our honeymoon. In the background of the picture you can see the plates all over the place.

So anyway, we shut that bar down. And we woke up early for The King.




You may already know this, but Mom Schwind loves Elvis. I mean, super loves Elvis. The Schwinds even had a dog named Elvis. So there was no way we weren't going to hit up Graceland. (Mom Schwind: Look closely at Mike in the photo below).



Which is expensive. Yeah. $60 for two tickets.




And you don't even get to see the second floor. Yeah. They keep it closed off out of respect for Elvis, who never let any guests upstairs.



Ripoff.




But you do get to see a whole bunch of other stuff, like the costumes he wore and the long hall of Gold Records he received. Fact: Elvis only won 3 Grammys and they were all for his Christian songs.



Another fact: Elvis didn't write any of his songs, but he produced them all himself.



Yet Another Elvis fact: Elvis did not name Graceland "Graceland." The family that lived at Graceland before him did. Elvis liked the name so much, he kept it.





I could go on forever. You learn a lot about Elvis when you go to Graceland, but mostly you learn that Elvis was a super-nice guy. He donated a ridiculous amount of money to charities and causes. He loved his daughter and loved hanging out and having fun with his friends.




Elvis' Grave Fact: Flowers (real and fake) come almost daily to Graceland, and the folks who maintain the place put out every bouquet, wreath, etc. that's recieved and keep it at Elvis' grave until they wilt. Pretty cool, huh?





Mike was in charge of the camera, so we have approximately nine million pictures of Graceland, all available upon request. Mom Schwind, we know you will request :)




Still Another Elvis Fact: Elvis liked to be the family interior decorator. His taste is questionable even by 1970's standards. See pictures for details. The stone wall is an indoor fountain. That green shag carpet? Its also on the cieling. No, really.



Believe it or not, Memphis was actually the hottest city we visited on the trip. With the heat index it was 109 degrees, and it was humid. Painfully humid. We wanted to stick around and further bask in the glory of The King, but air conditioning was calling my canckles into the cool.





Off to Nashville...

And the Winner of the Mike Ribtacular Tour Is...

We would like to submit a surprising fact:

Trip Advisor rates the Days Inn Graceland as the #1 hotel to stay in around Graceland and the #5 hotel in all of Memphis.

We have determined that this is not saying much for the hospitality industry in Memphis, TN. If you are in this business, you should consider opening something up around Graceland, as it would appear you will have little competition.

This sign is right outside our Days Inn. This quote is actually all over the place, and after visiting Graceland, I think Lennon may have been on to something.

Anyway, before we went out in Memphis, we hit up Marlowe's Barbeque -- purportedly the #1 place to go for Memphis-style ribs. Mike got a half rack and I got pulled pork.

First of all, both were too fatty. There was also no sauce on the table, which I find unacceptable. I had to ask for more sauce to put on my pork. Overall, it was kind of a let down. We got a sausage appetizer, and, actually, that was the best meat we consumed at Marlowe's.

So, the winner of the Memphis vs. St. Louis Rib Tasting Tour is...

Saint Louis!

Scottie, you were an excellent St. Louis barbeque ambassador. Pappy's was far superior to Marlowe's. Although neither were as good as Daddy D'z...

You Really Can See Saint Louis in a Day. We Did.

From Columbia Mike and I followed Scottie to his place in the ghetto of Saint Louis.

No really, its a little shady. And by "shady" I do not mean "having many trees to provide shade."

I mean "had to park our truck in another, safer neighborhood to make sure it didn't get broken into."

But Scottie's place is really nice...

And so is Saint Louis. We made a pilgrammage to the Arch: The Gateway to the West. But we're getting ahead of ourselves here, folks. There is barbeque to discuss first.

You see, this part of the cross country trip is the Rib Tasting Tour. Yes, we were going directly from St. Louis to Memphis, so you know what that means: a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for Mike to taste, compare and judge St. Louis ribs and Memphis style ribs back-to-back. Folks, this is like Food Network type action.

So Scottie has done some advance research for us and found Pappy's, a no-frills, out-of-the-way joint with picnic tables and plastic tableclothes -- which means its not just going to be good -- its going to be damn good.

And damn good it was. The ribs are served dry, which means you can expirament with sauces, and they have three: hot sauce, original and Sweet Baby Jane. The latter two are molasses based and sweet and thick, which works perfectly with their vinegar cole slaw.

They also have deep-fried corn. Yeah, really. Sounds good. Looks good. Mike would describe it as "kernels of oil popping in your mouth." We reccommend you stick with conventional corn preparations.

Results of the Great American Beth and Mike Rib Taste Off in next post.

We also hit up a Basilica nearby which was covered in mosaics. For those of you who don't know, I have a (completely worthless) art history minor and grew up Catholic, so the Cathedral was pretty cool. Its cool even if you don't have my worthless minor and grew up agnostic, because there are over 47 million tiny pieces of glass tile covering the walls an cielings.

All these intricate designs and illustrations were created out of one-inch square pieces of glass. Its pretty awe-inspiring.

Now, if you have been paying attention to baseball at all, then you know that the All-Star Game and Homerun Derby were taking place in St. Louis while we were there. This is not great timing on our part, because Major Baseball Events = Lots of people and traffic.

But we made it to the arch. The arch is sweet. You can stand below it and look up, and this thing is ENORMOUS. As it turns out, anything enormous is cool. The largest cross in the western hemisphere, the corn palace, giant artichokes. Whatever. You make it big, they will come.

Apparantly you can take an elevator to the top, but Scottie and Tawna had done this and told us that the ride to the top is horrifying. The elevator has to move on an angle as it moves up, and the creaking and banging resulting from this movement is enough to scare you out of elevators permanantly.

So we passed on that.

Instead, we went in search of beers. Scottie took us to this old part of town called Soulard, which reminds us of New Orleans a bit, only more brick and it smells better. But many of the restaurants and bars have awesome outside seating areas. The one we went to, McGurk's, had lush gardens, wrought iron cafe tables and a waterfall that ended in a pond full of coyfish.

Great place to hang out and have a beer.

So we had two.

Then Scottie took us to his favorite part of Saint Louis: Forrest Park. The park is larger than Central Park in New York City and perhaps has more to offer. There are museums, all kinds of tennis and raquetball courts, running paths, and a boathouse with a restaurant where we, of course, drank beers.

This is where Scottie goes running and where Scottie and Tawna like to take Hannah -- their flipping adorable Austrailian Shephard (of course I might be biased...).

We topped off our incredibly full day with killer Thai food at Basil Spice on Grand Street, which is the "Chinatown" of Saint Louis. Then we did what all good Saint Louis citizens do on a hot night: we got frozen custard at Drewes.

Drewes is crazy good. The parking lot is packed, but the lines go super-quick. I especially loved the service:

Me: I have vanilla.

Chick Working at Drewes: Really?

Me: Why. What should I have.

Chick Working at Drewes: A flavor.

I get Oreo. It is amazing. It is superior to Scottie's raspberry and Mike's peanut butter cup. They have frozen custard envy and we are all fatter and happier than before we went to Drewes.

And the next morning we are sad, because we have to leave our friends and head to Elvis...